I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
