i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
