It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
