I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
