He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
