Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
