Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
