Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
