Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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