She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
