do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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