I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Someone shit on the floor
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
