1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
