the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
