The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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