The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
