Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
