turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just want nice things and good sex
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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