Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
