Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
