I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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