had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
