This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize