I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
