I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
