okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
