Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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