He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
