He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize