Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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