You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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