i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
