He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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