so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
