Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
