Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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