i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
All the doctor said was why
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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