i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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