he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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