I just cut my nipple shaving
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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