My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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