halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
