Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry 732:)) hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(214): View more from Texas

Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on

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(925): View more from California

is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?

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(216): View more from Ohio

Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.

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(410): View more from Maryland

As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.

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(916): View more from California

I can already almost taste penis in my mouth

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(256): View more from Alabama

Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral

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