Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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