I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
