I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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