We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
