he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
