piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the day after is always just damage control
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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