whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
