So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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