I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
