and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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