dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
