i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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