I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
