I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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