Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
