then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
