Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Welp...herpes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
