soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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