I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
zippers are such a cool invention
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize