Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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