She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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