It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
